


Revival

by sassynotclassy



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Communication Issues, Fix-It of Sorts, Hokage Uzumaki Naruto, M/M, Naruto Being Stupid About His Feelings, One Shot, Sasuke Talks A LOT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 13:46:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18605767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassynotclassy/pseuds/sassynotclassy
Summary: Naruto struggles to come to terms with how his past choices have lead to where he is now.





	Revival

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic in a looong while. I actually uploaded a rough version of this to my Tumblr (under the username: usuratonteme) a couple years ago with the intention of polishing it up, and here it finally is. Enjoy!

The creaky fan above his head spun around lazily, blowing yet another mixture of hot air and dust into his face. He grimaced as it squeaked obnoxiously and further distracted him from the paperwork he was supposed to have finished two hours ago.

Pen slamming down onto the desk that could hardly be identified as such due to the grimace-worthy clutter of important documents, Naruto stood abruptly from his chair. His arm wiped aggressively at a bead of sweat running down his temple.

“That’s it, fuck this.”

Hokage robe billowing behind him, the blonde made a swift escape from his sweltering hell and jumped out of his office’s only window, landing on the red-tiled roof as silently as possible. Hoping like hell his assigned ANBU team or his advisor, Shikamaru, wouldn’t take notice of his hundredth attempt at an escape, he took off and jumped down into the street below.

“I’ll be damned,” Naruto craned his neck behind him one final time as he made it into an abandoned-looking alley,“they haven’t noticed.” He let the thought soak in, grinning triumphantly when he realized that, if he wanted to, he could stay away from his duties for the entire day. Once he was out of his office, there was no way anyone could find him if he didn’t want them to, which was exactly the case in that moment.

It had been eight months since his inauguration as Hokage at only 25 years old. Somehow, in that short time, Naruto had already lost count of the amount of occasions he had ditched his office before the day was over. He was sure Shikamaru and the rest of the counsel would tear him a new one the next morning, but in his exasperated state of mind he could hardly find it in him to care.

In all his eagerness to escape, Naruto hadn’t even sensed the old woman that was slowly making her way down the sidewalk just beyond the exit to the alley. They both cried out as he crashed right into her arm and cane, the wooden instrument flying up into the air. Lightning-fast instincts finally coming back online, he managed to twist his torso at the last second so that his arms caught the old lady by the shoulders before she could topple over onto the hard cement. It was a miracle that he hadn’t collapsed himself considering how abruptly he had screeched to a halt.

His right hand snapping up to catch the falling cane before it could hit either of them over the head, Naruto righted them and released the woman from his hold.

“I am so, so sorry ma’am. Are you alright? I didn’t see you from the alley…” Naruto apologize desperately, blue eyes looking the woman up and down for any visible injuries as his hands hovered near her frame.

His gaze finally arrived at her face where the old woman was glaring indignantly at him, mouth curled up in distaste. “I’m fine, no thanks to you,” she snapped, snatching her cane from his grip with surprising force.

Naruto’s voice escaped him as he stared at her with wide eyes. Did she not realize she was talking to the Hokage? Not that he expected every villager to worship the ground he walked on, but one would think the woman would be less inclined be so hostile toward the strongest person in the nation.

“I-”

“Watch where you’re going next time, punk!” she grumbled, cutting him off entirely. With that, she didn’t so much as spare a glance back at him and hobbled off back down the street.

Naruto stood there for another few seconds, staring at her slowly receding back. He felt like the biggest idiot in the world, and that woman had made sure he knew she thought as much as well. He shook his head and took off again.

His dazedness was getting ridiculous at this point. What did it say about him that he couldn’t even evade an old woman _hardly moving_ down the sidewalk?

There was no way Naruto would ever deny feeling ecstatic at the mere thought that he finally had the position he had always dreamed of. But he also could not deny that something felt increasingly wrong every day sitting in his office and facing the duties he had always desired to have. Those feelings of exasperation and distraction had been with him since day one, and had amplified to the point where Naruto didn’t know how he was even able to get out of bed in the morning, let alone be Hokage.

Naruto had always been sure that the day he became Hokage would also be the day he possessed everything he’d ever wanted in life. Aside from the fact that he now knew things never worked out quite so perfectly, his naive aspirations had turned out to be almost laughably off the mark. Instead, in his current state he felt like he had no control over any aspect of his life. When you factored in that he also had an entire _village_ relying on him for livelihood and stability, well, it was hard to feel like Naruto was living anything but a nightmare.

Every morning he came into work intending to give his duties 110% of his effort, but it was rare the day he came out of his office having finished even half of his workload. He was almost always absent-minded during meetings with the newly appointed council. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had paid a visit to the Academy or made a public appearance at a village event.

He had been failing miserably at being Hokage, and the only person he could blame was himself.

It had been a devastating and emotionally taxing process, figuring out the reason behind his increasing shortcomings. But, eventually, Naruto had been able to be honest with himself.

He was not happy. Not truly. Or, to be more accurate, it felt as if a large piece of him was missing each time he set foot in the Hokage tower. The feeling refused to go away until he collapsed, exhausted, in his bed late at night once the day was finally over. Sometimes Naruto was lucky; his brain would completely shut down as a result of fatigue and he would manage to scrape up a few hours of sleep. But this was not the occasion on most nights. Most nights he would agonize over the mistakes he had made leading up to his inauguration, only to beat himself up over his ungratefulness until it was suddenly dawn again and he had gone on with hardly a wink of sleep.

While the mountains of paperwork did serve to help distract him from stressing over his state of mind during the day, it was not enough to completely bar him from his thoughts. On the worst of days, at the Hokage tower he would suddenly find himself suffocating in a place he felt he couldn’t even begin to deserve to call his own.

Naruto let out a deep breath as he came to a stop behind a tall building. He expertly weaved his fingers to form hand signs, enjoying the adrenaline-fueled rush that never failed to momentarily overcome him as he performed the Hiraishin no jutsu. Less than a second later the sensation was ripped from him just as suddenly as it had coursed through him, and he landed with a sort of grace and fluidity that only one other living person he knew could outmatch.

Satisfied that the marker he had hidden perfectly within the forest edging all of Konoha was still perfectly intact, Naruto let himself release the breath he had been holding, relaxing for the first time in what felt like forever. Not to say he disliked the amazing people that worked beside him to improve the village, but sometimes they would get on his case about all the tasks he was supposed to carry out so often, it managed to diminish the little positivity he possessed on any given day. Being out in the open was the best remedy for that, especially in the forest where it was unlikely he would bump into any people.

He walked for a couple of minutes through the familiar array of trees, doing his best to clear his mind. It was working surprisingly well, considering his earlier distress.

Naruto slowed to a stop when he reached a clearing. He let the smile spread slowly across his face as he took in the beautiful sight of the meadow before him. The bright green grass was soft beneath his feet, littered with freshly blooming flowers and the activity of springtime insects buzzing and fluttering about. His attention was caught by a particularly vibrant butterfly, its delicate wings a unique electric blue. He walked carefully over to it, trying not to push his luck and scare it off the soft yellow daisy where it had landed.

After a couple of moments the butterfly took off anyway, leaving Naruto to watch it fly off into the trees with a hint of disappointment.

Sighing, he shrugged out of his hokage robe, letting it slip from his fingers and quietly drop into a heap on the grass. Immediately plopping down beside it, his blue eyes shone in the soft sunlight as he lay with his arms crossed beneath his golden head.

Naruto had discovered this hidden meadow so long ago it felt like the experience had been nothing but a dream. The memories associated with that day often carried numerous painful associations with them, and sometimes coming to this place did nothing but exacerbate the turmoil in his head.

On better days, however, he was able to separate the present from the past and immerse himself with happy images that made him feel closer to him. Right now, it wasn’t the sunlight that filled him with warmth, no. It was the sudden vivid memory of the day he had stumbled upon this peaceful place.

To be more accurate, Sasuke had actually been the one to find the meadow first. It had been during the more stable months of their team 7 days; he and Naruto had split up with Sakura and Kakashi to spar for the day and, upon learning that the official training grounds were closed that day, they had trekked through the forest to find the clearing.

Naruto let out a soft laugh as he recalled the many hours they’d spent there that day, arguing about every possible thing and never tiring of their banter. Though, Naruto thought, the fighting had not been the most memorable event of the day. As nighttime had brought both fatigue and an odd sense of calm, they’d settled for crumpling to the ground and gazing quietly at the stars. They’d been so entranced by the sight and the surprising comfort of each other’s presence that they’d both fallen asleep right there on the soft grass.

The next morning they’d both woken up extremely sore and confused. Once they had gotten back, though, they’d fallen into an unspoken agreement that they’d found their perfect private sparring spot.

As his thoughts drifted back to reality, a prominent frown suddenly overshadowed Naruto’s face, swiftly erasing all traces of amusement from the blonde’s features. Thinking about Sasuke usually garnered a similar reaction from him, due to the Uchiha’s extended disappearance not long after the end of the war. Naruto hadn’t seen him for two years, if not more, and he would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt deeply each time he was reminded of the fact.

Contrary to popular belief (amongst most of his friends and the rest of the village shinobi), Naruto had not carelessly let Sasuke go without a second thought. In fact, the fight they’d had that day had ripped such powerful emotions from both of them that it had been impossible to withstand.

Naruto recalled the day Sasuke had permanently stormed out on him during their last meeting as if it were occurring right before his eyes:

* * *

 

( _Approximately_ _2 years earlier_ )

Naruto woke to the sound of the wind whistling through his cracked window.

Grunting with the effort it took to kneel and reach across his bed in his groggy state, he forced the window to close, flopping unceremoniously back down onto his pillow. He sighed forlornly. The sound had roused him from the most beautiful, ramen-filled dream he’d had in a long time, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep no matter how hard he tried.

“Damn wind. If it’s not a mission, it’s something else, but I can never get any sleep around here,” he muttered to himself, swinging his legs over the edge of his bed and running a lethargic hand through his mussed hair.

He was still blinking his eyes and attempting to get them fully accustomed to the harsh light when they happened to land on his nightstand. Sitting neatly aligned to the stand’s edge was a note scrawled in familiarly elegant handwriting.

Immediately springing to his feet, Naruto snatched up the piece of paper he knew he had definitely not left there last night. The realization hit him that he hadn’t opened his window the night before, precisely because the air had been too chilly for his liking.

Even before his eyes quickly scanned over the name affirming who the note was from at the bottom of the page, Naruto knew Sasuke had been the one to both write and deliver it to his room. Only one person had the level of skill and agility required to break into his apartment, through the window no less, without managing to alert Naruto of the fact.

Not to mention he had never met another person with such neat handwriting.

The prissy bastard.

Naruto blinked at the precisely folded paper. Why couldn’t Sasuke behave like any other human being and simply speak to him face-to-face if whatever he wrote was urgent enough to warrant breaking into his place?

More than slightly annoyed at the fact that Sasuke could still slip through his guard like it was nothing, Naruto read the succinct message from the beginning, choosing to ignore the slight thumping of his heart as he began curiously. It read:

_Dobe,_

_There are some… things I think it’s time we talk about. I had originally planned to wait until your dense brain finally put two and two together and you came rushing to confront me, but, of course, it’s taking you a lot longer than I would have liked. I’m done waiting._

_Meet me where it all began as soon as you get this._

_—Sasuke_

 

This could not be good.

While on the one hand it had made Naruto excessively happy the very few and extremely rare times Sasuke had actually opened up to him about things, the emotionally draining toll the latter had on both of them was part of the reason he had grown so unhealthily attached to Sasuke in the first place. Naruto empathized with him to the point where he had entangled his and Sasuke’s feelings of pain so much, it had become impossible for him to distinguish between the two.

Hearing the Uchiha reveal to him the horrors he had faced with the massacre of his clan and the extensive scarring of his mind by his brother—something Sasuke had never been able to confess to someone else— there had been no escaping the imminent obsession with helping him heal. More than once his extreme emotional investment in Sasuke had driven him off the deep end in the past, and while Naruto knew none of those feelings had faded in the least, he was not keen to go down any familiar roads  where his sanity would once again be compromised.

Which brought him back to Sasuke’s motives. What the hell was there possibly left for him to confess to Naruto? He could count more than one occasion during which they had both _literally_ entered each other’s minds. Better yet, where had the bastard come up with the idea that whatever it was he wanted to say, it was a something Naruto should have gleaned and figured out for himself a long time ago? As if he were some kind of mind-reader or a secret member of the Yamanaka clan.

Shaking his head out to stop his thoughts from becoming too tumultuous, Naruto eased his shoulders. He was getting way ahead of himself. Whatever it was Sasuke had to convey, he would face it head-on. He was probably freaking out for no reason other than letting his imagination run wild, as per usual.

He slipped over to his closet, grabbing a simple black shirt along with his usual orange pants and throwing them on in a cursory manner, silently thanking last night’s tiredness for leading to him sleep in only his boxers.

Naruto was halfway out of his apartment when a thought suddenly hit him.

“Where the fuck is ‘the place where it all began’?” he wondered out loud, stopping dead in his tracks to ponder that very thought and feeling stupid for not having done so earlier.

After about a minute or so of fruitless digging through his mind Naruto let out a growl of exasperation. It was bad enough that the Uchiha went sneaking around his apartment in the dead of night without any real reason to, but did he really have to go and flaunt his intelligence by using cryptic language to describe his desired meeting place?

Naruto took a calming breath, slumping down to sit with his back leaning against the outside of his chipped apartment door. He looked out into the panoramic view he had of the streets and villagers from the top floor of his complex.

 _Where it all began_.

Blonde eyebrows furrowed in concentration, Naruto repeated the sentence in his head.

What place held such significance that it deserved such a title? What exactly was the “all” describing? The Valley of the End maybe? After all, it was the place where Sasuke had first claimed to have rid himself of the bond between them and the catalyst leading to Naruto’s pursuit of him. But somehow, Naruto knew that wasn’t it. It was too far away in the first place. It would take hours to reach even at full speed, and considering how early it was, Naruto knew not even Sasuke would have made it there by now, even with his head start of at least a couple hours.

Naruto could think of only one other beginning for them, and that was the beginning of their time together at the Academy.

He thought back to that day in which he had, to his absolute elation, discovered that he was not the only child who was alone with no one to look after him. He recalled the afternoon vividly; he’d been playing on the playground in the Academy when someone mentioned something about the Uchiha massacre. The group of kids were whispering and pointing at a young boy with his back turned to them. The boy’s hair had been as dark as night, falling just short of brushing the collar of a blue shirt emblazoned with the symbol of a fan. Every other kid on the playground had their parents near them.

The Uchiha boy was surrounded by no one.

Suddenly, at that moment, Naruto’s world had morphed into one that was not so desolate and foreboding. Suddenly, he was no longer alone.

But of course, his very voice had ironically failed him that day and died in his throat as he attempted to call out to Sasuke, and he’d simply never tried again. Instead, he’d allowed jealousy and pride to consume him and the feelings had succeeded in blinding him until the day of his first lethal battle against Sasuke.

Standing up with conviction this time, Naruto made for the rooftops, not wanting to risk getting further held up by passing villagers or old friends. Feeling smug that his speed hadn’t waned with the lack of strenuous battles in the past months, Naruto smiled to himself.

So Sasuke wanted to meet at the Academy. Naruto had to give him props, the man certainly had a talent for choosing places of deep meaning in order to further his own pursuits. Considering what had happened the last time Sasuke did this, Naruto knew it could only mean trouble, but since when did he back down from Sasuke?

Silently thanking the gods the Academy was only minutes from his apartment, Naruto honed in on Sasuke’s unique chakra signature, confirming the Uchiha was indeed there. He saw the pale figure of the other male leaning casually against a familiar tree with his back to him only a second later. Naruto landed nimbly behind him and smiled softly at the swing that was oscillating lightly with the wind.  

“I was beginning to think you’d lost your ability to read,” Sasuke mocked smoothly, turning to face Naruto’s slightly panting figure.

“It’s not my fault you insist on being creepy about things and writing me obscure messages instead of just knocking on my door and speaking to me there,” Naruto retaliated, folding his arms in front of his chest as a particularly cold breeze sent a shiver running through him.

The colorful leaves shook as the wind continued to pick up, sending a cascade of deep reds and oranges down around both shinobi. Autumn was already well under way in the land of fire, news that made Naruto happy, as it was his personal favorite season.

“Fucking with you is but one of my many hobbies. Though I have to admit, it’s definitely the most satisfying,” Sasuke smirked, pitch black eyes shining with amusement as his equally dark hair blew across his pale cheeks and carried its soapy scent to where Naruto stood directly across from him.

Naruto found himself swallowing thickly at the sight; it never failed to amaze him how blissfully different Sasuke looked when his features were no longer marred by hatred. In the past the Uchiha’s otherworldly aesthetic appeal had been a cause of resentment for Naruto, and the peace that had now settled into Sasuke’s features only amplified that beauty. Now, in place of resentment came another strange feeling that the blonde was unable to identify and unwilling to ponder too deeply at the moment.

“Well you have always had a knack for that,” Naruto finally murmured, not really noticing the amount of feeling and resentment he’d put behind the statement until he repeated the entire thing in his head. His nerves about what Sasuke might say to him were starting to show through, despite his initial conviction to remain as nonchalant on the matter as possible.

The Uchiha’s gaze turned serious then, all traces of amusement wiped from his features as he seemed to brace for something.

‘ _Oh no. Sasuke is just as anxious as I am. This is definitely going to be bad_ ,’ Naruto thought in slight panic, his palms suddenly going clammy in spite of the chill. The endless possibilities running through his mind scared him half to death.

He tried to remind himself that blowing things out of proportion would help nobody in this situation. For fucks sake, he had already recalled earlier that he’s been exposed to every nook and cranny of Sasuke’s mind, on several occasions at that.

“I also chose to leave you a note because I wanted to relay all of this to you in a place that holds meaning to the both of us. I suppose, in a way, it was in an effort to make myself feel less asinine.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of the light black pants he was wearing. “It’s not working.”

Naruto’s heartbeat picked up to supersonic speeds, his nerves increasing tenfold as Sasuke’s midnight eyes captivated his own blue ones and held them there with some unknown force. He braced for the worst.

“Truth be told, Naruto, I’m running out of reasons to remain in Konoha. You’d think it gets easier to walk past places that hold nothing but painful memories, but it doesn’t. I forgave this village once you helped oust the council and clear Itachi’s name with me, but now all of that is finished. The rest of the changes that need to be made can be done relatively easily when you become Hokage, all processes that don’t require my assistance.”

His brow furrowing, Naruto stepped forward with his hands out before Sasuke could continue to spew his nonsense.

“Woah, slow down Sasuke-teme. Of course we still need you! You’re among the strongest shinobi in the village–we’ll never not need that kind of power. Besides that, you’ve had a lot of good ideas that I want to flesh out with you once I’m Hokage. There’s no way I would be able to structure and carry out any of them without your input.” Naruto gazed at him emphatically. “You’re needed.”

One corner of his lips turning up in a hardly-there smile, Sasuke scoffed. “Are you done interrupting me?”

Naruto bristled, not expecting to have his earnest words dismissed so offhandedly.

“Depends on whether you’re done talking bullshit. Also, why the hell are you smiling? I’m being serious here!”

Naruto was officially at a loss. Here Sasuke was dropping a major bomb on him about possibly wanting to leave Konoha again and the asshole was _amused_.

Sasuke shook his head, pulling his hands out of his pockets. “This is why we can never carry a coherent conversation. You’re always jumping the gun before you even know what’s actually going on. Who knows, maybe that also explains why you haven’t figured all of this out on your own as of yet.”

There it was, a mention of something that Sasuke expected Naruto to know. It was beyond frustrating, trying to juggle all the shit that was being thrown at him–especially when he was finding it impossible to identify just what a big part of that shit _was_.

“I’m sorry if I hadn’t made it clear–Sasuke–I have no idea why you called me here. I thought you were on track with making peace with things, with finding your purpose again within the village. I thought you wanted to give Konoha a second chance because you believed in me. What happened to all that?”

“Nothing happened, Naruto. I’m glad your confidence in my place and future here is so fervent.” Sasuke’s expression gave nothing away as he spoke.

Naruto gawked at him. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

This man was going to be the end of him. Naruto would soon die prematurely of an aneurysm at this rate, Sasuke’s words were straining his mind so.  

“There isn’t anything even remotely normal about my situation, and it’s incredible to me that despite that you and everyone else in our circle still believe that my life can progress to someday be normal,” Sasuke started again, speaking as if Naruto hadn’t just interrupted him.

“But I see it. The resentment in people’s eyes when they look at me on the street, the bitterness most of the village shinobi still have towards me and my past actions. It’s not something I see going away soon.”

Naruto almost flinched as Sasuke’s dark eyes looked right into his.

The Uchiha’s brutally honest words were serving as a cold slap in the face. Because in reality, Naruto had known. He had known, before his and Sasuke’s final fight a year ago, that if the Uchiha were to ever come back to Konoha, he would never be truly happy again. He knew full-well the effect people’s bigotry could have on the mind; knew the poison that had long since been implanted could never be completely extracted. And for someone like Sasuke, who had gone through much worse than he, a notion such as total forgiveness and optimism was impossible.

But that didn’t mean Naruto hadn’t hoped, hadn’t prayed that his best friend would heal entirely someday, with his help. He didn’t like the fact that Sasuke may have called him there to confront him about the one goal he had failed to accomplish, the one goal that should have been his biggest priority from the moment the Uchiha stepped foot in Konoha once again a year ago.

“Why didn’t you come to me sooner, I could have helped you—”

“That’s not what I meant. I didn’t ask you to come talk to me just so that I could accuse you of failing to force an entire village to favor me. That’s never going to realistically happen, and I’ve long made peace with that. Everything I’ve said thus far has just been to highlight all the reasons I should be heading for the hills by now. I suppose my main point is that I’m _not_ doing that.”

Naruto stared emptily back at Sasuke. “Um, okay? Congratulations for being strong or whatever...Is this just your really weird way of getting your ego stroked?”

Sasuke’s expression became exasperated at his words, a pale hand coming up to support his forehead. “Usuratonkachi. What I’m getting at is that there has to be another factor keeping me here. It’s significant enough to have been offsetting all the negative aspects of this place for me.”

Naruto’s gaze sharpened, locking into Sasuke’s hoping it would convey something to him. He racked his brain for what Sasuke could possibly be trying to describe to him, wondering simultaneously why he was drawing this out so much. At this point it was quite obvious that Naruto was never going to have the epiphany Sasuke had been anticipating, and yet the Uchiha seemed to be in no rush to clear the air and just come out with it already.

Sasuke sighed loudly then, throwing his head back and staring solemnly into the sky above.

“Dobe you—all those times we fought and I threatened you and our bond left and right–both of us know full-well that you never believed I could actually do it. You were right. I didn’t know it then, but you did, and you were right. I’ve never been in control when you’re involved, and as hard as I fought to gain it, I never was able to achieve it. I saw through every face except for yours, was affected by every single syllable you ever uttered to me, burned to the core with unbelievable anger each time someone caused you pain. I realize now I could never correlate these sentiments and actions to feelings of friendship or even brotherhood. The day at the Land of the Waves, when I was eager to die if it meant you could live and experience joy accomplishing your dreams, you know what I thought? I thought, as I felt the life drain from my body, ‘I am completely in love with that idiot.’ My mind was flooded with solely memories of your smile and your passion and fervor as a ninja, and for the first time in a long time, I was happy.”

Naruto felt the blood drain from his face.

“As soon as I woke up again and realized I hadn’t died, well, I attributed the entire thing to pre-death delusion. But the more I tried to rid myself of the thought, the more I came to realize the truth in it, and it made me so angry and so terrified because the possibility that I could lose everything in the world that I cared about for a second time was simply too much. I wasn’t able to handle it, and when I realized that you had actually surpassed me and I was no longer in any position to protect you if you were ever to fall under any sort of danger, I completely fell off the edge. I was completely consumed with my desire to avenge my family and become stronger for them—for you, so I left. I convinced myself for a long time that I had managed to sever my emotional connections to you, but that later proved to be nothing but a pitiful lie.”

This was–this was impossible. Too much.

_Stop._

“And now that my mind has had time to rest, now that you’ve liberated me from my dark prison, I know that none of that was due to mental instability. If anything, I’ve come to realize that I do in fact have a reason to live, do have motivation to stay in this place. It’s you, Naruto. Where my sanity is concerned, I can no longer afford to deny my attachment to you. I know that you’ve experienced it as well, the haphazard moments of intense attraction and the otherworldly pull that makes you never want to part from me. All of that has always been there from the very beginning, but we’ve never known how to identify it and you’re too stupid to even realize that it’s something you both mentally and physically need to identify.”

Why wasn’t he stopping? Naruto couldn’t even hear his own thoughts over the roar of Sasuke’s massive confession.

_Sasuke needed to stop this right now._

Just as Sasuke parted his lips to continue, a tan hand snapped up and only narrowly prevented itself from colliding with the surprised expression of Sasuke’s face.

“Stop talking.”

Naruto tightened his fists, his mind in such frenzy he was having trouble restraining himself from shaking.

It was too much.

It was all too much to process—Sasuke was throwing so many tumultuous emotions in his face Naruto couldn’t even begin to keep up with what the Uchiha was saying. He would have never expected something like this from Sasuke. For too long, Naruto had associated the Uchiha as being someone who was incapable of anything even _close_ to what he was talking about. He couldn’t bear to hear the words laced with heavy meaning pour out of Sasuke’s pale pink lips anymore; couldn’t bear the way they clawed at his heart and seared into his brain.

Sasuke’s eyes narrowed slightly, his previously loose fingers going rigid at his sides.

“What?” he enunciated, a dangerous edge to his voice.

Naruto resisted the urge to shove the other into the tree and run away from what had quickly escalated into something he was in no way prepared to face. “I told you to stop.”

He laughed suddenly and bitterly then, obviously surprising Sasuke by doing so judging from the befuddlement and contained fury playing across the Uchiha’s face. “Sasuke you—I think you’re confused. You’re confusing your feelings about me with someone else’s, probably Sakura-chan's—”

 _Crunch_.

The harsh sound of the cartilage in his nose cracking with the force of the fist flying into it with lightning speed and accuracy ricocheted through Naruto’s skull. Before he knew it he was being tackled to the ground with such force that the elbow that briefly made contact with the small wooden swing just to his left caused the entire thing to splinter off into the air. The breath rushed out of him as his back landed on the grassy floor, a weight on his torso letting him know Sasuke intended to continue his sudden burst of violence.

He was instead surprised when pale hands clutched at his shirt collar and wrenched him from the floor, breath gushing over his whiskered cheeks as Sasuke opened his mouth to speak in a dangerously low tone. “Don’t you dare compare my feelings for you with the limited pity I have for her. What we have, no matter how much you deny it, is incomparable. It doesn’t bother me in the least that you’re a fucking guy, not in the way it seems to disgust you. Not even when I consider that my dream of restoring my clan is essentially impossible now that you’re my fixation.”

Sasuke let out his own bitter laugh then. “Something like this doesn’t happen twice for people like me. I either spend the rest of my life with you, or I spend it completely alone. There is no alternative for me.”

Naruto felt his own rage inexplicably boil over at Sasuke’s words. Taking the opportunity of the weakening of his guard, Naruto hooked his hands onto the shoulders above him and successfully shoved the Uchiha off of him, grappling with him for a moment before quickly gaining the upper hand and switching their positions so it was he who held Sasuke’s collar up from the ground.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it, bastard. Being a guy has nothing to do with it. You’re just associating your feelings of familiarity and trust with me with…love,” Naruto struggled against the word,“ because you’re feeling vulnerable. Maybe you don’t love Sakura either, but I do know for a fact that what you’re going through is a phase and you’ll very soon realize that’s not at all how you feel for me. I’m not your anchor and you don’t need me; there are plenty of things to keep busy with around here, I’m sure you know.”

Naruto couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth; he was unable to stop himself from saying the most hurtful things he could fathom to say to someone in such a situation and was fueled by the still anger pulsating through his veins.

He immediately felt guilty when he finally processed the look of utter betrayal and hurt that, for many long moments, shone nakedly on Sasuke’s features. The sight was probably worse than having someone rip his heart from his very chest with nothing but their bare hand, but still Naruto was unable to apologize, to ask for Sasuke to give him more time to think about this.

“Tell me Naruto, did you actually believe yourself all those times back then when I asked about your motives for relentlessly chasing after me? When you attributed them to your strong feelings of “friendship” toward me? Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? Sakura, Kakashi, Sai, everyone—they all made sure to let me know the caliber of your obsession with me at the time. No matter what you say, I know that wasn’t just friendship.”

Naruto glared at the man beneath him indignantly, pushing off of him and standing up in one sudden movement. Sasuke quickly followed suit, making a show of dusting the front part of his shirt off as if ridding himself of some parasite.

Blue eyes trained harshly on black, Naruto quickly enclosed the space between them, positioning his lips just beside the Uchiha’s ear. “You don’t need me,” he repeated,“and I don’t need you.”

With that, Naruto pushed past him, making to walk in the direction of the nearest street.

“I’m leaving.”

The cold words stopped him dead in his tracks. It felt like ice had been dumped over his head, jolting his brain from the haze that had clouded it from the moment Sasuke had started confessing to him.

“What?” Naruto whirled around to face him.

“You heard what I said. I’m leaving. There’s nothing left for me here anymore; there’s no point in staying if I’m only going to miserably wither away without a purpose. I’m going to travel the world and find myself. It was what I had been planning to do before deciding to try to open your eyes to the nature of our bond first.”

Rage quickly flooded Naruto again as he stared at the Uchiha incredulously, panic immediately running him through as well.

“Just hold on a second, Sasuke. That’s too sudden of a choice and you’re being rash; there’s no need to leave! Just because I rejected you doesn’t mean I’ve lost any respect or love for you as a friend—”

Before the blonde could finish, Sasuke continued over him as if he hadn’t spoken in the first place. “I’ll still report to and carry out the odd mission for the Hokage, but you shouldn’t expect to see me again.”

Sasuke turned his back to him then and began walking. “Not ever.”

Naruto’s pleas had fallen on deaf ears.  

Sasuke was leaving.

And he wasn’t coming back.

All Naruto could bring himself to do was stare blankly at Sasuke’s receding back, and later, when he finally dragged himself home to bed long after night had fallen and the full moon had bathed the village in an eerie light, replay the scene over and over again in his head. If only he hadn’t allowed his shock to derail him so spectacularly. If only he hadn’t been afraid.

If only he’d told Sasuke he loved him too.

 

* * *

 

( _Back to present_ )

Naruto forced his mind to tear out of the painful memory, nearly chewing through his lip as the familiar feeling of desolation ripped through his heart and left his lungs feeling painfully constricted.

It was the same feeling that never allowed him to sleep at night, and while it had taken Naruto a while to figure out that his unhappiness had everything to do with Sasuke’s absence and little with actual discontent with his job, once he’d come to that conclusion he hadn’t even been able to deny it to himself. If anything, he’d felt like the most moronic person in existence that day.

Of course his despair had everything to do with Sasuke. Hadn’t that always been the case in the past? The first time the Uchiha had abandoned him, he’d been so stricken by the all-consuming misery that it had rapidly turned into inescapable obsession. This time around, the words that had been exchanged between them had held such meaning for Sasuke, but Naruto had been so ignorant and so terrified of his own feelings that he had been completely unable to handle the magnitude of Sasuke’s and had therefore shut himself down completely.

What a complete fucking idiot he was.

After years of doing the impossible to get Sasuke to open up to him, after years of pushing for Sasuke to learn to embrace and come to peace with his feelings, Naruto had turned completely around and denied the Uchiha that right when it had been most important. All because his frightened, selfish mind had not been able to handle the possibility that Naruto had done all of that because he was in love with him.

And in love with him he was.

After Naruto had learned to accept it, long after Sasuke had disappeared on him again, he knew he had been from the beginning. There was no other explanation for the way they had always been drawn to each other; no other way to explain the reason why they’d always possessed the instinct to protect each other, even to the death.

There was no other way to explain the heavy pounding of his heart and immediate constriction of his throat each time Naruto laid eyes on Sasuke; not for the electrifying lust, or the paralyzing possessiveness.

Naruto had possessed the opportunity to make Sasuke’s his and never allow him to leave again–to hold him in his arms and warm him with the love the Uchiha never thought he would be allowed to feel again. But he had let it slip from his grasp, and now there was no going back.

There was no mistaking Sasuke’s incredibly hurt expression that day as Naruto watched the very life drain from his obsidian eyes as his cruelty decimated any new hopes the Uchiha had been able to form after having been damaged and hopeless for most of his life. Sasuke would never want to look at him again. He was all-too used to converting his feelings into hatred and cold animosity, as Sasuke had done with his words that day.

Naruto knew there was no use hoping. He was doomed, justifiably, to wallow in his melancholy for the rest of his life. He deserved the bitter resentment that filled him at the thought of being Konoha’s hokage; it was a befitting punishment, to have all of the joy of accomplishing his lifelong goal be sucked from him. There was justice in the way his body burned for Sasuke. In the way he would do anything for one more chance to gaze at the unmatched beauty that was the Uchiha’s face, or, if he should ever be so lucky, one final touch, even if it was simply Sasuke finally taking his pain away by mercifully running him through with chidori.

At the threat of the intoxicating image of Sasuke doing just that completely overtaking him, Naruto abruptly shot up onto his feet, bringing a trembling hand to his heaving chest and grunting as his knees nearly gave out against the strain.

The wind picked up in the forest, rustling leaves and bending the grass of the meadow into soft waves. Naruto remained standing, cursing to himself when the effort proved to be difficult. He laughed bitterly at the irony; he’d gained so much power and prestige with his title of hokage, and yet the same man that had always plagued him still possessed the ability to completely weaken him without having to lift a finger.

“Recall something amusing?”

Naruto had no idea how he didn’t end up on the ground as he whipped his body around with impossible speed at the sound of the familiar voice. Cerulean eyes immediately seized up and Naruto swore he felt the scorching trail his heart left behind in his body as it promptly plummeted to the ground, taking what little breath was left in him with it.

“Sas-” Naruto was unable to get the name out, his throat closing up and refusing to cooperate as he stood nailed to the ground.

 _Impossible_.

His brain was unable to transmit any other thought as he stared into the black depths of eyes he’d never thought he’d see again. They were cold, dark, and ruthless, just like he’d known they would be in the unfathomable case that a meeting between them would come to pass.

Naruto was shocked, for the second time, that he hadn’t crumpled to the floor as the excruciating longing that had been gradually building up over the years hit him in one swift, merciless wave. Bile rose in his throat at the sheer impact of it, his mind reeling as it fought to stabilize itself. Its efforts were proven futile, however, when those perfectly pale lips opened to speak again in the deep velvety tone that could only have belonged to Sasuke.

“Have you miraculously gone mute in the time I was gone? I was talking to you, not the flowers, usuratonkachi.”

The corners of Naruto’s mouth grew rigid, though he suspected it was more out of instinct than of actual anger. Gathering his wits in the hopes he would stop making a pathetic fool of himself in front of the only living being that could fill him with such doubt and insecurity, Naruto inhaled deeply and forced his back to straighten.

“I’m sorry to burst your bubble, Sasuke, but my voice works just fine, as you can see. I’m just-” the brave air he tried to don quickly fell away again, his facial features twisting to expose the conflicted feelings that were running amok his insides,”surprised to be seeing you again, here of all places.” He vainly attempted to smother the slight tremble in his voice as he finished speaking, biting his lip with the effort it took not to take a step forward, to get close enough to catch the scent of his best friend’s shampoo as the lazy breeze carried it through the air.

The pain that had always been lurking in the depths of his mind from the moment Sasuke had left him was now forefront in his thoughts, tireless and merciless as it rampaged through his very being. Every memory of them resurfaced in its wake; every word, every touch, every encounter. Everything.

“Hn. Is that really all there is to it?” Sasuke’s previously relaxed gaze turned frigid and calculating, reminding Naruto that he still had yet to meet anybody who oozed as much raw intensity as the Uchiha did.

With even less warning than when his voice had abruptly rung out in the clearing, Sasuke had Naruto pinned up against the rough bark of an enormous tree, his forearm pressing ruthlessly against his throat and collarbone. “Don’t you dare lie to me or I swear on my family’s graves you will never hear so much as a whisper of my name again,” Sasuke threatened into Naruto’s ear in an eerily placid tone. The Uchiha seemed to take a calming breath before releasing him again, his face wiped of the anger it had been portraying seconds ago.

“I promised myself when coming here that I would not allow my emotions disrupt my calm, but arriving just to see you sitting there, laughing of all things and being so unconcerned about life, about us, it was just so—infuriating.” Sasuke looked up at him then, black eyes connecting with Naruto’s blue ones, effectively freezing him in place with his gaze.

“Why is it that you get to move on happily with your life while I’ve had to suffer through each and every day without you like a pitiful, starved fool, begging every god I know of to allow me to see you only once more before I die, before it’s too late. Why is it that I have to tolerate feeling like I’m burning in hell being this close to you, knowing that you share these feelings with me, and yet not being able to do anything about it, all because you refuse to accept that you could possibly be attracted to a man, your best friend, or whatever the fuck it is that horrifies you so much about me?”  

Naruto was listening and clinging onto every word that was coming out of Sasuke’s mouth, but his muscles felt like they were made of lead and his body was too heavy to move. He was drowning. Naruto was drowning, because Sasuke was there, in the flesh, describing to him the very experiences he himself had gone through for the last couple of years, the yearning and everything it was associated with.

Sasuke was still talking, somewhere far off in the distance, but Naruto didn’t want to listen anymore, didn’t want to add to the guilt that never ceased to plague him. So he interrupted him. “Sasuke. You look,” Naruto wet his chapped lips,”you look beautiful today. Did you change your hair or something?”

Surely enough, his mumbled words served to shut Sasuke up immediately, the Uchiha’s apparent shock made obvious by the sharp intake of breath that preceded the fluttering of thick, ebony eyelashes.

Allowing his temporary bout of insanity to completely take him over, Naruto nodded more confidently, allowing his gaze to sweep down and practically ravish the Uchiha standing in near mortification in front of him, paying particular attention to the more defined lean muscle of his physique. “I see you’ve been training.” His eyes stalled on beginning of the curve of Sasuke’s ass, visible due to the Uchiha’s slightly-sideways stance. “A lot,” Naruto added.

At that, Sasuke’s confused face flushed bright red, fury once again chasing away all other signs of emotion. He surged forward, crushing Naruto’s entire body against the same tree, pale fingers digging so painfully into Naruto’s shoulder he was sure they would leave bruises, though in his dazed state of mind, Naruto sort of hoped they did.

“Is this all some kind of sick game to you! Tell me, what the fuck happened to caring about every single feeling I’ve ever had? What happened to chasing me relentlessly, no matter how much I claimed to hate you?” Sasuke snarled harshly into his face, fingers balling into fists Naruto was sure were just itching bash his skull in. “Why didn’t you come after me this time!”

At that moment Naruto’s mind snapped once again, this time clearing the fog from his brain and allowing him to truly see what was going on for the first time that day. With surprising speed and strength, Naruto crushed his chest even more harshly up against Sasuke’s, simultaneously wrenching the arms on his shoulders and gripping them tightly to the Uchiha’s sides. Conviction placing a fierce look on his face, Naruto snarled back at Sasuke, tears stinging his eyes as he allowed the words to tumble through his mouth.

“I’m in love with you too, fuck, Sasuke! I felt everything you felt, I regretted everything I said the second you turned your back on me that day. All this time, I’ve tortured my mind wondering, imagining what I put you through that day, and knowing that the agony I feel is only the beginning of my punishment for doing that to you.” He eased his vice-like hold on Sasuke’s wrists, gingerly sliding his hands until his fingers intertwined with Sasuke’s, whose own were surprisingly slack given how angered he had been only moments ago.

“It was never about gender or status or even embarrassment. I was just… That day, when you first shed light on the true depth of our bond, I was absolutely petrified. I was scared shitless that I could need someone with such desperation and I panicked. It wasn’t you I was trying to accuse of being confused that day. It was me. But after I realized what I had done, I knew there was no way I could ever face you again, and I knew you were much better off without me. I know there’s nothing I could ever say to apologize or somehow make it up to you, so I won’t try. I’ll leave you alone and never force you to feel pain because of my stupidity again.”

Feeling drained, Naruto slumped back, his spine hitting the bark behind him and allowing him a brief respite from standing. His gaze, however, remained fixated on Sasuke, who hadn’t moved since he’d opened his mouth. Then, slowly but surely, Sasuke looked up, and smiled.

Then he laughed as if a thousand years’ worth of relief was pouring from his lungs, releasing a sound so beautiful and rare Naruto was sure that if he died right then and there he would do so with more joy than he had anything else in his life. After an extended few seconds of this, Sasuke finally stopped, a somewhat bitter look in his eye marring the otherwise genuine-but-small smile not yet gone from his face.

“You truly are a moron if you think I came back here just to leave without you again.” He raised his single arm to pull Naruto to him once again, this time a lot more gently and even—could it be—hesitantly. His intention had probably only been to bridge the large gap between them and perhaps to feel the warmth of Naruto beneath his hand, but, hearing those words, seeing the forgiveness already forming within Sasuke’s eyes, Naruto found it impossible to restrain himself. After all, when it came down to it, there was no such thing as restraint where Uchiha Sasuke was concerned.

Their teeth clacked with the force of Naruto’s excitement, who couldn’t move his rough lips quickly enough against the softer, paler ones in front of him to accommodate years’ worth of pent-up desire and frustration. Strong tan hands were everywhere, weaving through silky black hair and furiously sliding down Sasuke’s sides only to land on the small of his back, where they slowed their descent significantly in favor of digging into the thin cloth there.

Sasuke released a strangled breath directly into Naruto’s mouth, the blonde’s brash actions galvanizing his body into moving, into pushing back against the fiery force that was lighting his every nerve aflame. He tangled his fingers into sunshine blonde hair and pulled without restraint when he felt a tentative tongue slide into his still-open mouth.

Although, as a teenager, Naruto had always imagined kissing a woman with soft curves and breasts that would push up against his own flat chest, at that moment, feeling his slick hands bunching into the fabric at the hem of Sasuke’s pants and slipping into the very male and very defined edges of the Uchiha’s slender hips along with the slide of the unrelenting chest against his own, Naruto could not comprehend how he ever thought such an experience could be better than this. Better than consuming and coalescing with the person he could no longer deny he loved. His soulmate.

Releasing Sasuke from his heated grip, Naruto took in a much-needed breath, resting his sweat-slicked forehead against the Uchiha’s. Without either of them having realized it, the day had given way to night and it was nearly pitch black in the forest, save for the innumerable stars and looming full moon covering the sky above them. Naruto gazed up at the sight, slightly shifting their position so that his chin rested atop Sasuke’s head and his arm wrapped around his shoulders and left his hand to rest on his chest.

After a couple silent moments, Naruto spoke out, “I’m sorry if that was too quick. I didn’t even ask if kissing was okay for you.”

“Lucky for you that was exactly the right move to make right then,” Sasuke murmured softly into his hand. Gently, nudging Naruto’s arm, he stepped out of the blonde’s hold and turned to face him.

Sasuke seemed to search his face for a moment before he parted his lips, albeit with a bit of a wary expression. “This doesn’t fix things. We both still have a lot of explaining to do.”

Naruto nodded at him, doing his best to radiate remorse and sincerity. He knew full well that they had a long way to go from here. The thing was, Naruto had never expected to have had anywhere to start from in the first place, and even hearing this made his heart feel impossibly full.

“That being said,” Sasuke smirked up at him, “I look forward to repeating that with you many, many more times.”

Naruto couldn’t have agreed more.

 


End file.
